This Does Not Count As a Well Thought Out Blog

Sometimes I have these flashes of excitement, most of them probably caffeine-induced, where I get this warm, brilliant sparkle of the future - future plans, possibilities, or different scenarios, different ways things could play out. My imagination has never been stingy with me, it's pretty much risen to any challenge I've thrown its way. I feel gratitude when I have these moments because my complete freedom crystallizes in my mind. I still possess utter and complete freedom to go anywhere and do anything I want. And then sometimes I worry that I will never want to give up this freedom, that I'll never want to be committed to anything, or tied down by anyone. My hope is that I will be ready for that one day, when I know I've found the right person to commit to, and that it will not feel like I am giving up my freedom, but that I am gaining a new freedom, in combining my strength with someone else (like the Power Rangers).

I guess it is good that I can still get excited about the future, because there are some days that I definately can "not." There are some days, or moments, I feel complete and utter despair at how tired I am, and how uninspired, and done I feel. There are points where I am just sick of thinking and worrying about everything, and sick of trying to be motivated and trying to find a purpose. Sick of trying to find ways to improve myself, or strive for anything.

But there are the warm sparkly moments, too, and those make living through the hopeless moments worth it. I sound like a Disney Christmas carol.